One of the unfortunate realities of losing a loved one is that life around you goes on as normal. While you want to grieve, there are still bills to pay, mouths to feed, and other responsibilities to take care of.
Eventually, this also means returning to work. But how do you balance a return to professional life while balancing your emotional needs? That’s what we’ll look at here.
Acknowledging Grief
The first stage of the process is the acknowledgment of grief, both in yourself and for others to acknowledge it. Grieving is a natural part of life, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed about struggling to return to work or needing breaks to express your emotions.
You may wish to hide away and just get on with your work, but you need to communicate your grief. If colleagues aren’t aware that you’ve lost a loved one, then they need to be told. This will ensure they are more sensitive and understanding of your situation.
This can be communicated directly, through a trusted colleague, via email, or in any way you feel comfortable. You can also communicate to supervisors or management about any potential impact it will have on your work.
This communication is easier said than done. It’s tempting to put it off and attempt to cope, but if your grief is fully acknowledged, it will make the following weeks, months, and even years much easier to handle.
Setting Boundaries
When grieving, you’re not going to be at your professional best. Trying to slot seamlessly back into work isn’t likely to happen, especially if your job requires interpersonal skills or mental focus.
You should understand your limitations and communicate them to your colleagues and supervisors. It’s often a good idea to put aside those additional tasks or projects that you have often taken on in the past.
A sad reality is that others will quickly forget about your grief. In these moments, it’s important to prioritize self-care. Focus on making yourself as happy and comfortable at work as possible instead of trying to please others.
Hopefully, those above you are understanding, but it’s important to learn how to say no. You’ll have days worse than others, and when those bad days come, try to communicate the best you can and avoid additional responsibilities.
Seeking Support
A supportive co-worker can be a huge help when struggling with grief, but you don’t always have that luxury at every job. Try to surround yourself with those who are supportive. Don’t hesitate to lean on them for emotional support. If you don’t have emotional support, you can talk to a colleague or supervisor you respect who can help make your life easier.
A hugely important part of grief is talking through it. This will mostly be done outside of work with a therapist, family member, or friend, but if you have resources at your workplace, use them. Some employers offer counseling services; even if you’re not sure they are needed, at least try them.
Professional counseling is going to be ideal and can provide valuable support. Not everyone will have access to that, but ensure you find someone to discuss your problems with. A trusted friend is great, but you’ll feel better even after talking to a stranger through an online chatroom, for example.
Creating a Supportive Environment
To get back to your best productivity at work, you’ll need to create a supportive environment. Seek out colleagues who can offer empathy or support. Conversely, avoid anyone who is trying to rush you through the healing process or is attempting to minimize your grief.
However, it’s also important to understand that your colleagues aren’t mind readers. There was a time when I returned to work after a loss, and my colleagues didn’t want to talk to me. I was usually chatty with everyone, but colleagues didn’t want to offer condolences as it may be awkward, and they didn’t want to speak to me normally for fear of being insensitive.
At the time, I just suffered through it until normality resumed, but it was a mistake. Instead, I wish I’d asked a work friend to communicate that I just wanted to be talked to normally like nothing had happened instead of feeling like the elephant in the room.
Everyone grieves differently, but the point is that you should express your feelings. That will create a supportive environment that will allow your workplace to become somewhere to get a break from reality instead of somewhere to be feared.
It’s also important to find moments of solace. Your supervisors should understand if you need extra breaks. Use that time to do whatever helps your mental state, such as walking outside, taking a few deep breaths, or even spending 10 minutes losing yourself in a book, podcast, or song.
Seeking Accommodations
Our final piece of advice is to seek accommodations. This means discussing with your employer how to ease back into work. Examples include a reduced workload, flexible hours, temporary reassignment, or extended breaks.
Not having a supportive employer is tough but be forceful if you need to be. Most employers will realize that the alternative to not making accommodations is not working at all. Give yourself the relief you need, and you’ll be much happier in the workplace and better able to cope with your grief.
Final Thoughts
When grieving, your first instinct is to often hide away. However, with a little communication, you can ensure your emotional and professional needs are met. Don’t be afraid to lean on those offering their support and allow them to help you become as comfortable as possible in the workplace.
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