Beyond the Paycheck: Navigating the Emotional Fallout of Losing Your Job

I woke up in sheer terror, gasping for air. At first, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, so I laid my head back down on my pillow. But the moment I did so, there it was again: the feeling of someone clasping their hands tightly on my throat. My then-partner watched in panic and confusion as I made violent attempts to clear my throat, which only further induced hyperventilation and sobbing. “I feel like someone is strangling me every time I lie down.” By that point, I knew myself well enough to understand how the symptoms of stress manifest in my body. The day prior, my hours got drastically cut from my beloved job at a lively marketing agency, and I seemed to have developed a globus sensation overnight, a torturous symptom that lasted a couple of months.

Grief Responses to Losing Your Job

If you’ve experienced involuntary unemployment, whether due to company layoffs, burnout, or some other circumstance out of your control, you can attest to how soul-crushing this period can feel.

Employment is not just a way to earn a living,  it provides structure to your day that you only take for granted when you are faced with a seemingly endless amount of free time. Periods of unemployment can also disrupt your social routine, as you no longer have those day-to-day workplace interactions and can leave you feeling isolated and craving human contact.

Job loss can feel like you had the carpet suddenly ripped from under you, which is why it’s more common than you might think to experience actual grief. Grief responses to job loss are well-documented in the scientific literature. Involuntary job loss has been found to increase depression, anxiety, and psychosomatic symptoms which can make periods of unemployment feel particularly tiring and debilitating.

You don’t have to be a six-figure earner to experience severe job-loss grief. In fact, according to one study done in the Netherlands, it is a misconception that losing a higher-earning job would result in greater feelings of loss and grief. Even losing your barista gig can take a significant toll on self-esteem, identity, and motivation and lead to a grief response. It goes without saying, however, that this is only exacerbated if you have family or loved ones depending on your employment.

In some cases, job loss grief can also have severe consequences if left unaddressed, including unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcoholism, substance abuse, and even suicide.

Losing Your Identity in a Status-Obsessed Society

For us folks in the West, we tend to attach our value and identity to our job titles. 

Our professions are amongst the first things we share about ourselves when introduced to a new face. It is for this reason that losing your job can feel like you’ve been thrown overboard with nothing to grab onto.

How to Cope with Job Loss Grief

Just like coping with any kind of loss, you need time to process what has unfolded. Perhaps the circumstances of your job loss were out of your control. Acknowledge how unfair the situation may have been, but try not to dwell. If the circumstances were within your control, take this time to analyze what lessons you can take into the future. Either way, you’ll need time to gain mental clarity and forge a new path forward, and you can only do so through patience and self-compassion.

Unemployment is something that nearly everyone has experienced at one point or another, so try opening up to someone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with those you love and trust, and in turn, it may surprise you that even your most successful colleagues have been in employment ruts.

Maintain a Routine

Aside from job-hunting and resume-building, maintaining a routine is the most fruitful step to take during periods of unemployment. It’s almost a paradox that you feel more tired when you have less to do with your day, but try not to fall for the trap of wallowing in bed, as it will take an even greater toll on your self-esteem and motivation.

Instead, try maintaining a routine where you wake up relatively early, perhaps around the same time that you would wake up for work. I find it useful to create a to-do list each day to make sure I’m on the right track. Plus, it’s super satisfying to cross items off the list, no matter how small.

Even if your routine isn’t solely centered around finding another job, there are plenty of other productive things to do, including:

• Going to the gym
• Tending to the garden 
• House chores and maintenance
• Reconnecting with loved ones
• Attending community events

Practice Emotional Regulation

It’s especially frustrating when you lose your job due to circumstances out of your control. When unprecedented situations are hurled your way, the best you can do is to embrace this change and focus on what you can control. It’s more than expected to feel a mix of emotions at this time, but remember that anger can be misdirected toward those in your immediate vicinity (something I still struggle with). If you feel misdirected anger rising, practice self-soothing activities like going for a walk, meditating, listening to music, journaling, or whatever your preferred outlet for decompressing may be.

Visit Co-Working Spaces

Co-working spaces were the key to staving off loneliness during my unemployment days. Even if you are just workshopping your resume or searching through job listings on LinkedIn, co-working spaces are a great opportunity to network with freelancers and business owners who might give you some job leads while keeping you company.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Feel what you need to feel and keep moving forward.