The holiday season is approaching, and with it comes a sense of dread amongst those of us who have lost someone dear to us. This may be your first holiday season without your loved one, or it may have been many years. Grief is always difficult to handle, but it can be especially hard to cope with at this time of year. In this article, we’ll look at why that is and share gentle, practical ways to navigate the holidays while grieving.
Why Does Grief Feel Worse During the Holidays?
There are several reasons why grief feels more painful at this time of year. The holidays strongly emphasize being together with our loved ones, especially family. For you, there’s an obvious empty space where your loved one used to be. There is an empty seat at the dinner table and a deep emptiness in your heart.
During the holidays, there’s a lot of pressure to be “merry” and “joyful” – but what if you’re not? Grieving while the world around you is celebrating can leave you feeling like the odd one out, intensifying feelings of loneliness and isolation.
What’s more, remembering holidays you once spent with your loved one can bring up intense grief that you may have thought had already passed.
While all of these feelings can be pretty overwhelming, they are normal feelings to have when you’ve lost a loved one. There are also proven techniques for how to get through the holidays while grieving. Here are five of them to consider.
Set Personal Boundaries
There’s often a lot of social pressure during the holidays – pressure to see certain people, participate in specific events and carry out old traditions. But it’s essential to set boundaries that feel right to you.
Only go to the holiday events that feel doable, and let your loved ones know if you’re overwhelmed and need to leave. If some holiday traditions feel upsetting for you now, give yourself the right to leave them out this year.
Be honest with yourself and others about what you can and cannot handle. This will keep you from getting carried away in the whirlwind of expectations, and allow you to dedicate your energy to healing.
Acknowledge All Your Feelings
Grief is very complex and unpredictable. One moment you might feel perfectly happy, then the next you find yourself bursting into uncontrollable tears. It is natural to experience a range of emotions when you’re grieving.
Allow yourself to fully experience your emotions as they happen. Resisting your feelings will only deepen the pain, so let out those tears when they come rolling out, and treasure the moments of joy while they’re happening. These happy moments don’t contradict your grief but rather help heal it.
Honor Traditions, Both Old and New
Were there special holiday traditions you had with your loved one? It can be a good idea to keep honoring those traditions as a way of honoring the one you’re missing. Speak your loved one’s name, share stories about them, and include them in your traditions. This could even mean buying a gift for them and donating it to someone in need.
Create new rituals to honor your loved one. Perhaps you could go to a place they loved going to, or eat their favorite food for dinner. Even just lighting a candle for them is a meaningful way of honoring their memory.
Plan Ahead
Start planning for the holidays early so that you have a game plan in place. What might be some of the challenging things for you this holiday season? Create a game plan that will help you cope with those challenges when they arise.
Afraid of being alone? Arrange to spend the day with a close friend and their family. Afraid that a certain social event might trigger deep sadness? Let people know that you aren’t going to be coming. Knowing you have a plan in place will help you feel more in control and reduce feelings of anxiety.
Seek Out Connection
It’s so easy to isolate yourself from others when you’re grieving, but it’s important to push against that and connect with people who understand. Let people around you know what you need so that they can support you in this time.
Grief support groups can be very healing because they allow you to speak about what’s happening for you and realize others are going through similar pain. Talking to a therapist can also help you to process your feelings and work through your grief.
Honor Your Loved One and Yourself This Holiday Season
The holidays are a challenge to get through for anyone experiencing grief. Knowing that this is the case will allow you to mentally prepare for the most difficult moments. We hope that these five strategies will allow you to honor your loved one this holiday season… And to honor yourself, as your loved one would want you to do.
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