Two women embracing in a comforting hug, one with a pensive expression, embodying the emotional support necessary in understanding that acceptance of loss doesn't equate to 'getting over' grief.

The Myth of Closure: Why Acceptance Doesn’t Mean ‘Getting Over’ Grief

According to the Swiss-American psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, individuals cope with grief in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This theory has since been adapted and now includes seven stages, but the overall concept remains the same, and the final stage is acceptance. 

At this stage, most people develop an understanding of their grief and are at peace with whatever has happened. However, does acceptance mean closure? Does it mean that the sorrow has ended and all your stages of grief are resolved, that you’re now ‘over’ whatever happened in your life?

Not quite. Reaching acceptance means much more than just having closure, and that’s what makes the sense of acceptance beautiful. This blog will address what achieving acceptance means when you’re coping with grief or loss.

The Last Stage of Grief: What Achieving Acceptance Means

Psychologists describe acceptance, the last stage of grief, as coming to terms with the reality of your loss or trauma. It involves adjustment and adaptation. Acceptance also means that you acknowledge that this change is permanent and will remain with you throughout your life. 

However, acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean closure, nor that everything will return to like it was before the incident. Often people who are grieving confuse acceptance with thinking that they are alright with everything that has happened. This isn’t the true essence of acceptance; most people never feel the same after a loss or trauma despite accepting their circumstances, and that’s perfectly okay too.

The true meaning of acceptance is to acknowledge that the loss we have suffered is permanent and that this is our new norm and reality. We may not like it, but we need to accept it to move forward. This is when our final healing and adjustment begins, and remember that it doesn’t happen in a day. Slowly and steadily, you will eventually achieve peace.

Accepting Your New Reality 

Coming to terms with your new reality doesn’t mean making new memories, rather it involves recollecting and reorganizing old memories in a way that allows you to make peace with your grief. Ironically, the stage of acceptance will bring you even closer to your loss as you begin a new relationship with your grief and yourself. 

Embracing Your Emotions

Life becomes much easier when we learn to accept all our experiences and emotions. The art of living your best life involves acknowledging all experiences – the good, the bad, the sad, and the ugly – and turning them into life lessons. 

So, instead of seeing acceptance as a stage of happiness devoid of pain, consider it to be a point in your life where you’ve embraced your history and will use it to better your life, relationships, and progress.

In short, acceptance means making peace with the present instead of fighting it, accepting responsibility for yourself, and beginning a new journey towards a new chapter of your life with contentment.

Final Thoughts

The acceptance stage of grief isn’t just a place where you arrive in your struggle with grief. It is an active, reflective, and instructive way of being. Acceptance doesn’t imply that you’ve moved past the loss and have forgotten the sadness and remorse you felt because of it. It means that you’ve come to terms with whatever you went through and felt while coping with your grief, and you are ready to start afresh. 

Acceptance also means that you’ve acknowledged this major and permanent change in your life and understand what it means and how it has helped you become a better, stronger version of yourself.

We will leave you with this thought: acceptance is not a chapter closed in your life, rather it is a new, more reflective chapter that has just begun. There might still be sad or difficult days – and that’s okay – but acceptance means believing that there will be more good ones than bad. 

As a pharmacist and mental health professional, I’ve navigated through the depths of depression, understanding its complexities firsthand. My journey as a chronic caregiver for my mother, who battled irreversible heart failure, has illuminated the profound realities of caregiving and loss. These experiences have deepened my empathy and underscored the crucial need for support in times of grief, caregiving, and profound loss.