In my life, I often thought there was something wrong with me as I’ve never known much grief in my life since my youth which is another story. In my life, I lost both parents, and my best friend committed suicide when I was just 17 years old. I lost my brother and 5 of 6 of my closest best friends have passed in my life, yet I didn’t shed a tear. Yes, I would miss them and future good times but not a tear was shed.
Was there something wrong with me?
I did write a lot of it off to my belief system that we don’t die, we transition. This is not a religious belief but, in my mind, it makes common sense that we came from someplace and were going somewhere. It could be just fertilizer or it could also be another dimension, but we have no control over that.
Losing my dog after 10 years changed all of that.
First off Leon the Lion was more than just a faithful pet, he was my beloved companion. We shared a decade of life’s journey walking thousands of miles, he brought my health back after 2 strokes in 2016. When he was just 6 months old he was diagnosed with severe hip dyslexia and I was told he wouldn’t live more than 3 to 5 years and we were going to need to start pain medication within a year.
I learned everything I could about his condition and developed a special diet in an effort to help elongate his life. He lived 8 years without pain medication and lived just over 10 years in total. Through the years he often got depressed because he couldn’t run with other dogs. But through the years Leon was the happiest most caring dog you would ever meet. Everyone loved Leon.
Remembering the adventures we shared stirs up both smiles and tears. Our long walks symbolize not just the distance covered but it turns out we were building an emotional connection strengthened with each step. His pawprints in the sand at our lakehouse and in the trails in the desert are etched into my memory.
When Leon passed suddenly it seemed like every corner of my life echoed with his absence. The space beside me on the couch and the silence in our home reminded me of his absence and the void he left behind.
Even the smallest things or the mention of his name caused me to break down into tears. I soon realized grief comes in waves, unpredictable and relentless. Sometimes I took solace in reminiscing about the good times while other times I was consumed with overwhelming sadness. Eventually, I found comfort in both feelings.
As time passed the pain and sorrow seemed to soften but Leon’s memory and the good times have remained in my heart. His unconditional love and companionship have left a mark on my soul. I’ve now got a new dog, Conner Bear, but Leon will always hold a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten. Leon, I want to thank you for helping me understand what love and loss means and those feelings of grief may come and go.
Leave a Comment